LeftInTheDarkness Read online

  James reached out a hand as if to touch Devlin, but, at the last minute, dropped it. The rain picked up, and now both of them were getting soaked, but Devlin no longer cared.

  “I didn’t think it would get that bad,” James said in a small voice.

  “What did you think was going to happen? That they were going to challenge Taylor and Christian to a game of charades or something?”

  James shifted his gaze to the ground, his throat working as he swallowed hard. “I was afraid.”

  “Yeah, so was Christian, but he still stood by Taylor’s side.”

  For a moment, James was silent, this his lips formed one word, Christian.

  Devlin’s heart lurched as he recalled the way Christian used to fawn over James. In fact, until the day of the attack, he’d practically worshiped the guy. While Christian said he no longer felt anything for James, the small insecure voice inside Devlin still let out a cry of alarm.

  “What about him?” Devlin asked as he balled his fingers into fists.

  A loud burst of thunder sounded, but neither reacted to it. James lifted his gaze, only this time instead of guilt, anger glittered in his blue eyes.

  “The only reason you’re with him is to get back at me!” James accused.

  Devlin didn’t have to fake his outraged reaction. “Are you shitting me?”

  James clenched his jaw and took a step forward. “You never showed an interest in him until the other night. Why the big, sudden change?”

  I always liked him. You were just too caught up in your own drama to notice. Even though those words echoed in his head, Devlin wouldn’t give James the satisfaction of hearing them.

  Taking a deep breath, Devlin replied, “Ever since you met, Christian, you knew he had a crush on you. Yet, you kept pushing him away. How long did you think it would take before there was somebody there to catch him?”

  James surged forward and gave Devlin a slight shove. “So, now what? You’re going to make him fall for you? Then after you fuck him, you’re going to dump him, just like you have every other guy in your life?”

  Standing his ground, Devlin glared at his cousin. “Not that our sex life is any of your business, but no. When or if we do it, I’m not dumping him after.”

  “What in the hell are you trying to say?” James’s brow creased in confusion.

  “I’m keeping him. It’s not my fault that you were too afraid and stupid to see how great he is until it was too late.”

  James let out a bitter sounding laugh. “Is this some kind of joke? Next, you’ll be saying that you actually have real feelings for him.”

  Devlin cocked a brow, but said nothing. It was a tactic he’d picked up from his father, and Devlin learned the gesture often had more effect than words. Sure enough, after a few moments the smile slid from James’s rain-slicked face.

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “You’re going to find that Christian is one thing that I’ll never kid about.”

  “How long?”

  A shiver went through Devlin as a gust of wind hit them. “How long have I wanted him? From the very first day we all met at the Haven House Coffee shop.”

  “Then why didn’t you say anything before now?”

  Because until the other night, Christian only looked at me with disgust. Once I had my chance, though, I knew I was going to take it, even if it ended up hurting you. While that makes me as big as a bastard as my dad, I couldn’t help myself.

  “That really doesn’t matter now. We’re together, and that’s all you need to know,” Devlin said.

  He hated how clipped his voice sounded. But just as soon as he thought that, his father’s most repeated lesson rang through Devlin’s head, Hurt them before they hurt you. If you do that, you’ll always end up on top.

  Damn if it wasn’t hard at times to remember that. Especially when James’s face crumpled a bit. Before he could stop himself, Devlin reached out and put a hand on James’s shoulder. “Are you going to be okay?”

  James shot him a look that was so full of hurt, fear, and confusion that Devlin felt his heart break. Damn it, yes, James might have fucked up, and, yes, Devlin might be pissed about it, but they were still cousins. And even while the rest of the world might think Devlin was an asshole through and through, James was one of the few people in the world who realized that wasn’t entirely true. As such, he was one of only a handful who could actually make Devlin feel guilty over his actions.

  “How am I supposed to be okay?” James bit out. “I lost Taylor as my friend. You as my cousin. Christian as my…gah, I don’t even know how to label that one. My parents are pissed at me and still threatening to send me away to that conversion camp. Plus, my football team won’t talk to me anymore since I came out. I lost everything. Most of all, I let Taylor down, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for that.”

  “You didn’t lose me,” Devlin said.

  A bright flash of lighting streaked above, briefly illuminating them. Devlin saw how badly James shivered and that his cousin’s lips were blue from cold. The protective nature in Devlin took over and he pulled James into a hug.

  “It’ll be okay,” Devlin soothed, hoping he wasn’t lying.

  “Just….just don’t hurt him,” James replied as he returned the embrace.

  “Who? Taylor?”

  “No, Christian.”

  For the first time, Devlin was completely, one hundred percent, honest. “I would rather shoot myself in the head than hurt him.”

  “That’s a bit melodramatic. I think you’ve been hanging out with Andy too much.”

  James did have a point. Andy did have the crown and sash when it came to drama. At the vigil, he’d even insisted on singing The Wind Beneath My Wings. All despite the fact that he was tone deaf and only remembered half the words. Things grew worse when their other friend, Jessica, joined in and made it a duet—that was, if two yowling cats even qualified as a duet.

  They pulled apart, then Devlin jerked his head toward the parking lot. “Come on, let me give you a ride home.”

  When a flicker of apprehension passed over James’s gaze, Devlin pressed, “Does your father know you’re here?”

  “No, he thinks I’m still in my room.”

  “Are you grounded?”

  “If you call being locked in my room as soon as I get home from school grounded, then, yeah.”

  A surge of anger hit Devlin. Damn, he’d known his uncle was a first class asshole and homophobe, but that was taking it far, even for him. What was next? Chains and handcuffs?

  “How did you get here?” he asked.

  “Remember that tree branch by my window?” James gave a devilish grin.

  “You mean the one we used to sneak out whenever I stayed the night at your house?”

  “Yeah, it’s still there and as sturdy as ever.”

  Devlin glanced up at the sky, blinking as drops of rain fell into his eyes. “I don’t think you’ll be able to get back in that way.”

  “I’ll just hide out in the shed until it clears up. I’ve done it plenty of times before.”

  Damn it, but Devlin didn’t like that option. On the other hand, he didn’t see a better solution. If James’s father found out he had snuck out, then James would be in real trouble.

  “Fine, but let me still give you a ride home. I’ll drop you off a couple of houses down, so he doesn’t see my car.”

  After a moment’s hesitation, James nodded, then followed Devlin to his car. Once they got in, Devlin cranked the heat up, even going so far as to turn on the seat warmers.

  James shivered as he put his hands before the vents. The pale, pinched expression still remained, and it made Devlin all the more aware of how much the kid must be suffering.

  “Taylor’s going to be okay. He had some broken bones and a head injury, but he’s recovering and going to be released soon,” Devlin said.

  James’s jerked, his eyes growing wide. “But, Tommy is home, too. Taylor can’t go back to that
kind of environment.”

  “Christian’s parents are taking in Taylor. Everybody thinks that will be a better choice. Especially since Taylor’s mom had another breakdown.”

  “I guess that would be hard on her, having her son get hurt like that.”

  Now, it was Devlin’s turn to let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t know if that set her off, or the fact that her perfect, all-American jock son is probably going to have a felony record after all this. Do you know that Taylor’s father hasn’t come to the hospital once? Meanwhile, the asshole couldn’t get down to the police station to bail Tommy out quickly enough.”

  Devlin pulled out and started to make the drive to James’s neighborhood. While it wasn’t a long trip by car, it still was a lot of distance to cover by foot. “Did you take a bus here or something?”

  James shook his head. “I didn’t even realize I was coming here until I reached the hospital entrance. It was just so cooped up in my house that I had to get out. Once I was free, I started walking, and this is where I ended up.”

  After a patch of silence, James asked, “Does he hate me?”

  “Who, Taylor or Christian?”

  “Taylor.”

  “No, I don’t think he has it in him to hate anybody. He’d probably be the first one to defend his brother if the jerk ever fessed up and admitted that what they did that night was wrong.”

  “Some of the kids are laughing about it. They think Taylor got what he deserved. They said that the rest of us are going to be next.”

  Since Devlin had heard the same kind of mutterings, he wasn’t surprised. The rest of us part of James’s comment still came as a shock, though. For so long, James hid who he was, that even with the secret out, it still felt a bit strange to hear him lumping himself in with the rest of their group.

  “It must have been hard for you since coming out,” Devlin remarked.

  James gave a half-shrug. “Aside from those assholes and most of the guys on my team, the rest of the school is just ignoring me. After what happened with Christian and James, most kids don’t want to come across as bigots.”

  That might be true, but Devlin knew it would only be a matter of time before all that good will faded, and things would be back to normal. It took more than one terrible event than to change years of ignorance and not giving a shit.

  Unwanted, one of his father’s favorite lectures rang through Devlin’s head, Never lower your guard, and always strike them first. If they’re hurt, they can’t come after you.

  It was a lesson Devlin clung to and followed the best he could. Sure, it made him look like an uncaring asshole sometimes, but at least he wasn’t cowering like James or, worse, a broken mess like poor Taylor.

  Devlin turned down James’s street but didn’t go farther. Long rows of nearly identical, suburban houses lined each side of the road. The lawns were perfectly manicured, some of them still decorated with flowers that had survived the fall so far.

  The rain continued to pour down. Some bits of hail even bounced off the ground. Devlin wished that he didn’t have to pull a dump and run. The temperature was colder than ever, and he worried that James would get stuck outside.

  “Are you sure you just don’t want me to take you to my house?” Devlin offered. “Christian is coming over and we’re going to eat dinner, then work on our homework.”

  A wistful sigh passed James’s lips. “I wish I could, but I better get…”

  James’s eyes grew wide as he looked out the windshield. Fear surged through Devlin as he turned to see what had James so worked up. When Devlin spotted his uncle charging toward the car, his heart began to pound.

  “Oh, this can’t end well,” he said as he reached over and locked the doors.

  “You little shit! I told you to stay away from my boy!” his uncle screamed.

  The man then brought up his arm. Devlin noticed for the first time that his uncle had a bat in his hands. Panicked, Devlin raised his hand to put the car in reverse, but it was already too late. The bat came down, and the sound of crunching glass filled the air.

  Chapter Three

  James frantically clawed at the door handle. Shoot, if he didn’t get out there soon, his dad was going to trash Devlin’s car. It was a really nice one, too, no second-hand clunker like the rest of their friends drove.

  “Don’t go out there. He’ll hurt you,” Devlin ordered.

  They both flinched as the bat came down again, this time knocking off the mirror on the passenger side.

  “If I stay in here, he’ll hurt you,” James countered as he finally managed to get the door open.

  He leapt out and ran around the car. “Dad! Stop it!”

  James’s heart leapt into his throat when his dad spun on him. The man’s eyes glinted with rage, and even in the dark rainy conditions, his face, red with rage, glistened with sweat.

  He took several threatening steps forward.

  Reacting purely on terror and instinct, James backtracked, his hand lifted in a pleading gesture. “I’m sorry.”

  “I told you not to hang out with this fag anymore. He’s already influenced you enough.”

  Before James could even think of some defense, his dad brought his hand back to strike out. Horror clawed at James as he realized it was the same hand that held the bat.

  Even as James tensed for the blow a part of him felt as if he deserved it. It was only a small price he had to pay for what he did to Taylor.

  “Hey, asshole! You can’t influence somebody to be gay!” Devlin yelled.

  James gasped when he saw that instead of leaving like a sane person would do, Devlin had stayed. Worse, he’d left the safety of his car. Then as a bolt of lightning creased the sky, James came to the stunning realization as to what his cousin was doing.

  Devlin was planning on taking the beating for James. Even after everything James had done.

  Horrified, this time for his cousin, James yelled out a denial that was swallowed up a loud clash of thunder. At the same moment, he surged forward, desperate to put his body between his dad and Devlin.

  “Stop it right now!” another voice shrieked.

  The words, though muffled by the storm made all of them pause. James’s heart skipped a beat when he recognized it as his mother. She ran across the yard, her normally tidy hair freed and plastered to her face and shoulders. Since she only wore a thin nightgown, she had to be freezing, but she didn’t show it. Instead, her face held two things that James had never seen on it—anger and determination.

  “Get back in the house,” his father ordered.

  She moved forward and jerked the bat away. What. The. Hell? His mother was many things, docile, soft-spoken, obedient…she never yelled, and she sure as heck never stood up to her husband. James wanted to pinch himself to see if were dreaming or something.

  “You will not hurt those boys!” she yelled back between clenched teeth.

  James and Devlin exchanged can-you-believe-this looks.

  “Who’s going to stop me?” James’s dad bellowed.

  “I am,” she countered. “In fact, I should have done this a long time ago.”

  “Are you crazy?”

  “Yes, I am. But not for the reason you think. I can’t believe that I almost let you destroy James’s life.” She tightened her grasp on the bat and shook it. “Not anymore! You threaten, hurt, or speak badly to him again, and it’s over.”

  James brought a hand to his stomach. This was a side of his mother he’d never seen before, and he didn’t know whether to feel guilty or elated. For a moment, he wondered if maybe his being gay had driven her crazy.

  “Mom?” he ventured.

  Not turning around, she said, “Get in the house. Everything will be okay.”

  He nodded, but hesitated, not wanting to leave Devlin behind. She must have sensed that because she continued, “Devlin, is your car drivable, or do you need to come inside and call for a ride?”

  “My windshield is cracked, but most of the damage is on the passenger si
de. I’ll be okay getting home,” Devlin replied.

  “Are you sure?” she pressed.

  “Yeah, besides it’s better for my health if I don’t go inside. I’m allergic to bigots.”

  The whole evening grew more surreal when she smiled at that statement. “Fine, but call or text James as soon as you get home.”

  Devlin smiled, before giving her a respectful nod. “Sure thing.”

  Okay, now James really felt as if he’d been dropped into Weirdo Land. As Devlin got back into his car, James turned and went back inside. When the rain decided to let up just as he walked through the door, he yelled, “Of course! Even Mother Nature wants to mess with me.”

  Since he didn’t know what was expected of him, he sank onto the couch and then…waited. All the while, his mind whirled with what could possibly happen next. Would his dad come in and lock him back up? Would they just ship him off to that conversion camp now instead of waiting for the summer? Would his mother go postal and beat her husband with the baseball bat?

  He was so high-strung that when they came back in he jumped a bit. Then he jumped higher when his dad slammed the door. “What in the hell was that about?”

  Turning calmly, she replied, “That was me standing up for my child. The one who I love unconditionally. You may want to try that some time.”

  “They got to you, didn’t they? Now you’re just as brainwashed as James.”

  Putting her hands on her hips, she squared off against him. “Yes, they did get to me. This morning when I went to see Taylor at the hospital, I had a nice conversation with Angie.”

  Angie? She actually talked to Christian’s mom? James’s breath caught in his throat.

  “What did that bat-shit crazy woman have to say?” his dad growled.

  “Nothing that I already didn’t know deep down. I just didn’t want to face it until I had to see that poor boy lying in that hospital bed.” She threw the bat to the side and ran her fingers through her wet hair. “All that time, all I could think of is, this could have been James.”